you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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