Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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