I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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