Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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