just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
