I am puke
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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