I wish I could teleport
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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