I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
