I look better un-naked...
im holly from the hills drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
