I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize