I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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