his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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