dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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