I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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