i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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