i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
