You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
