Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
