how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
