Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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