This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
