wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just cropdusted the office
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
