my room smells like sperm. sweet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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