On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
