My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
