the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
