you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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