I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and she was petting her beer can
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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