i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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