I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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