So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
