Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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