3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
