Already got asked if we're dating
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
