You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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