update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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