Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
