It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
