Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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