sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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