I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
