bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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