she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like