i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange