i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
