I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
wow bdsm is so cute
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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