Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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