Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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