i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
True strength comes from lack of pants
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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