Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
