batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
