Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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