Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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