i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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