she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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