I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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