Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
