At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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