found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
