okay pat passed out under dana's car
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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