i already hear my dad disowning me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Two words: blizzard sex
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
