I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
