In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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