If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
