and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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