dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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